


A Thing Such As Love

by hwigums



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basketball Player Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong & Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten Are Best Friends, Lee Taeyong is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Minor Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Minor Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Poor Lee Taeyong, Sad Lee Taeyong, Sad with a Happy Ending, Shy Lee Taeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23544073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwigums/pseuds/hwigums
Summary: It was never easy for Lee Taeyong to forget the man that made him feel his worth; the man that made him believe in love. But for now, all he can do is to push those memories aside and try to live the life he is living before Jung Jaehyun came in.It has been more than a month and the void in his heart is still there, still aching to be filled by the same man that he knows won't ever be his again... or he just thought so.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 97





	A Thing Such As Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. (｡･ω･｡) I was bored so I decided to write my very first fic here. I hope that it won't turn out boring as well. 😆 
> 
> PS. And because I've written this out of boredom, I am too lazy to proofread it. Hehe.

* * *

_"_ _I like you."_

Taeyong would never forget how a certain guy with such a pretty face and an appealing background confessed to him. He even thought that it must be some sort of a sick prank but the guy insisted, looking at him with such a serious face.

That's how it all started. The moment he started to believe that maybe, just maybe, he can be loved. However, some things are not meant to last and destined to end and be broken. Even though he already warned himself that it might happen, the breakup still hit him like a train on full on speed. Right now, he is trying, trying his best to at least go back to normal without a tinge of pain and hurt whenever he sees him or even when someone mentions him up on a conversation. And for the most important part, guard his heart again, build a higher and sturdier wall that no one could ever break in.

"Tyong!" his friend Ten called him that brought him back to his senses again.

"Our practice will start again in five minutes, okay?" Taeyong faintly smiled and nodded in response to Ten's reminder before fixing up his self again and trying to shake such thoughts out of his head.

Taeyong and Ten are both members of their university's dance team. It was one of the greatest asset of their school. That's why with his skills in dancing, he grabbed this opportunity to join especially that most of the competitions they are participating in offers a huge amount of cash prize that he needs to sustain his living and school expenses.

It is already like a continuous reminder for him that he needs to work hard and do well on his part-time job since he got almost no financial support from his family. His mother passed away when he was eleven while his father is an alcoholic man that mostly spends his income in his own desires and that leaves her older sister to pay for their debts and living expenses, even though she sends him money sometimes it is not enough to cover up all of Taeyong's expenses in college. That's why it leaves him with nothing but to support his own studying.

Having not much time for his own, Taeyong didn't really care about romance and love. Well, it is also a thing that he refused to put his mind to. Being exposed in a household where such thing doesn't seem to exist and being a person that grows up as the reserved man that he is today made him not look and glamorize the idea of being loved or loving someone that much. However, it was never always that way. Taeyong knew that he is different ever since he was a kid. He is attracted to men and never finds himself establishing a relationship with a woman. A thing that he accepted when he had a crush on one of his guy classmates during eighth grade. Living on a society where gay people are being openly insulted and discriminated, he kept that fact to himself. Knowing all of these, it just added to his belief that no one is going to love or even see him romantically.

* * *

_"Come here, Yongie, you don't have to bear it all alone."_

It was the first time that he cried in front of someone like that. It was his mother's death anniversary and his father was sent to the hospital due to alcohol poisoning. Tears continuously streaming down his face like it will never end, he finds comfort inside the younger one's embrace. 

It is kinda funny now that he thinks of it. He is the one who is mostly soft and vulnerable during those times that they were dating even though he is the older one. It is supposed to be him giving such advices but it turns to be the other way around in their case, nevertheless he likes it. Thinking that there is someone that eases up the piling burdens inside of his heart is enough for him to feel safe and sound again.

"Jaehyun!" Taeyong flinches as he hears a very familiar name while he is taking his food inside their cafeteria. Ten notices it and gave him a concerned look.

Not wanting to make any more fuss about it, Taeyong acted like nothing's wrong and sits on their usual spot with Ten and his boyfriend, Johnny. He is just there eating quietly and thanking Johnny in his mind for being the loud man that he is so that the atmosphere on their table didn't turn out to be that heavy.

Taeyong stole a glance over the table where Jaehyun and his basketball teammates are eating. How many days has it been since he last saw him? One, two, or three? He didn't know but one thing's for sure, he misses him so much. As soon as he felt like Jaehyun is going to look back on his direction he immediately shifted his gaze on his food. 

"Are you alright, Taeyong-ah?" Ten asked him with such a gentle voice. He just nodded and shakes his hand almost theatrically, telling them to not worry about him.

They finished their lunch and Taeyong excuses himself to go to the comfort room and told the two to just go to their next class and not wait for him. Johnny and Ten agreed and were the first ones to go ahead. It was when Taeyong was just there looking at their backs while they were holding each others' hands.

Unlike him and Jaehyun, Johnny and Ten is a lot stronger couple. Ten is a confident and outgoing person unlike him. He has the courage to face people who hates him for being gay. Meanwhile, Johnny is very vocal regarding his feelings and he was never ashamed of it. Also, the fact that both of their parents accept them for who they makes them the ideal match for each other. Taeyong just smiled on that thought, thinking that he won't ever be just like Ten or find a person just like Johnny but deep inside his heart he knows that he is still wishing for such thing to happen.

On his way to his class, he saw Jaehyun and his teammates again. He tried his best not to linger his eyes too much on the view but he can't just do it especially right now that he saw Joy, a member of their university's cheerleading team, approaching Jaehyun. It is not new to him on how the two seems so close, after all they are childhood friends but for a reason he feels like Joy have feelings for him. The way her eyes sparkle when Jaehyun was talking to her and how her body reacts in his mere presence are almost the same as his. Maybe they are the ones who are actually destined for each other, he thought. Bowing his head low, he take a turn where the room is located not knowing how the younger one notices him and a hint of sadness also draws on his face.

* * *

_"Maybe the reason why I am here is to make you see those things that you don't."_

Taeyong didn't really believe that. Maybe he was just used in seeing himself as a plain and boring guy that he tend to underappreciate his own self. Jaehyun always tells him things that will make his heart flutter and turn his face red. He hated it not because it annoys him but because the feeling is so foreign, he didn't know how to handle it. However, as time pass by, he grew to like it. He started to think that maybe he really is. Maybe he is really a generous and caring person despite being misunderstood frequently and he deserves to be loved just like what Jaehyun never fails to remind him of.

He should've known that it is too good to be true. Now that he got no more Jaehyun to tell him those things, he is starting to think the opposite things of what he used to hear. Being builded up just to be brought down is one of the painful things that Taeyong have probably experienced. He still want to believe but his mind just refuses to do so.

Johnny and Ten went out first after the class was dismissed. Taeyong, who is also a student assistant, was left to arrange the activity sheets and journal papers that their professor tasked him to do so. A thing that Taeyong is probably very good at aside from cooking. It is kind of natural to him already to be good in doing those things since he was taught by her mother while she was still alive and then by her older sister after she passed away. Truth be told, Taeyong really wanted to pursue culinary and be a chef but because of their family's current financial status he chose to take Literary Arts—a field that he is also interested into.

Ever since he was young, books have been his escape from the cruelty of reality. He likes reading a wide range of genre, starting from psychological thrillers to historical fictions. However, romance has been a genre that he considers as his guilty pleasure. He knows how cliché some stories under the said genre can be but somehow he likes it. He likes it because it somehow fills in his heart's desire to be loved, a thing that he just keeps on denying to himself.

After finishing his task, Taeyong grabs onto his sling bag tightly and leaves the faculty room. The university is quite big and the building of their department is slightly far from the exit. Most of the time, Taeyong just take the shortcut by crossing the building of another department but since he finds it quite early for his shift on a local coffeee shop he is working on, he decided to take the long way. Walking with his head lying low and his hands still clutching hard on the strap of his bag, he peacefully listens to the song that is currently playing through his headphones. He just suddenly stops when he notices that he is on a familiar place. Looking to his left, he saw the open basketball court where Jaehyun and his team are currently playing at. He just standed there hiding under the shade of a nearby tree, watching Jaehyun from afar.

"Just like before." Taeyong silently mumbled to himself as he continues watching Jaehyun's game. Indeed, he has been doing this before their relationship even started. 

Well, it's not that Taeyong had a huge crush on Jaehyun. In fact, it was Jaehyun who actually had the first romantic feeling towards him. It's just that, who would not admire a Jung Jaehyun? Aside from being handsome and a great basketball player of their school, he is a very kind and humble person. He always had his eyes on Jaehyun but it never crosses in an intimate manner until the younger one confesses to him.

He decided to go, a few minutes before the game ends. It has been a month, probably the longest month of his entire life that he needs to bear. As he stepped outside of the area, the music playing starts to fade out and a new one started—a song that he frequently hears on the younger one's playlist.

* * *

_"Do you remember the first time I've met you? Damn. I already wanna kiss you there so bad."_

Taeyong always thought that Jaehyun was referring to the time when Johnny introduced them to each other. Well, it is their first formal meeting but little did Taeyong know that Jaehyun already knew him before. Jaehyun met him on the coffee shop where he is working at. The younger one became enticed by him for no apparent reason. Maybe because on how good Taeyong make his favorite iced americano or simply because he likes it that he can somehow see the older one's emotions through his big and round eyes. It's a good thing that Jaehyun and Johnny are both players of the basketball team so when the younger one finds out that Taeyong is friends with Johnny's boyfriend he convinced him to be introduced to the older one.

Taeyong heaves a deep sigh after the coffee shop finally closes.

"Hyung, you don't have classes on Saturday, right? Can you please cover my shift. Please, please, I just have an important thing to do." his workmate, Winwin, pleads with his hands clasped.

Taeyong just smiled and gave him an okay which made Winwin hug him tightly.

"Aren't you being such a bother to Taeyong lately? You just asked him to cover for your shift a few days ago." their shop manager and owner, Yuta, barged in that made his workmate fold his arms and pout.

Taeyong doesn't really mind doing more works. He actually thinks that this is somehow therapeutic because he doesn't think of Jaehyun that much when he got a lot of things to do. He just quietly laughed as he was hearing Winwin and Yuta calling each other names. It was never a secret inside their workplace that their Japanese boss is gay and that he likes Winwin. However, the Chinese barista being raised by a conservative family didn't liked it at first which made him almost quit his job. But right now it is just funny that both of them probably have feelings for each other already and Taeyong just chose to not meddle with it, after all he also have his own things to figure out.

Leaving the shop, Taeyong opened his umbrella as the rain starts to pour. Moments like this makes him wonder about the changes that happened in a very short span of time. Johnny suffered from a minor knee injury that forced him to take a break from the basketball team. Ten became more concerned for him, a thing that he doesn't really hate but he kinda dislikes. Jaehyun never came back to drink on their shop after they broke up making his workmates, especially Winwin, ask him why which just made him feel more uneasy.

His relationship with Jaehyun was never on public. Being a son of a well-established family, it will not be a good thing once people finds out that he is dating a man. Taeyong accepts that kind of setup they had. He understands the fear that Jaehyun feels regarding people finding out about their relationship. That's why, aside from them, only Johnny and Ten knew that they were a thing.

Now that he is thinking about it, his mind is being filled again by regrets. Those things that keeps on bugging him that he should've not dated nor pursue him in the first place because he already know that this is inevitable. But what can he do, he ~~loved~~ still loves Jaehyun despite those consequences.

And maybe it is just right that a man like Jaehyun should not settle for a person like him, that's what he thought. His grip on his umbrella tightens as his vision started to get blurry due to the tears that are starting to swell up in his eyes. Jaehyun used to walk him home after his shift and once they entered the neighborhood where his dorm is located he will hold Taeyong's hand because that is the only place and time they know that they can do it freely. If only the society was a little bit more kind to them, maybe he is still there beside him.

* * *

_"Just trust me, Yongie, okay? I love you."_

It was the time that Taeyong finally gives in and accepted that a man like Jung Jaehyun is indeed going to love him. He finally admitted to himself that he always waited for someone to love him and also succumbs to the fact that he also loves Jaehyun. He won't forget that night where they are both inside Jaehyun's room in his dorm, seizing the opportunity since his dormmates where all away during the winter break. They both owned the night with Jaehyun being in charge of Taeyong's body as he tells how much he loves him by inducing pleasure to every parts of it. Taeyong answers it back by submitting himself, bearing the pain and letting his words of love freely slip out of his mouth while Jaehyun is filling up his void.

The rain stopped as he reached his dorm. His dormmates, Mark and Haechan, are probably still awake knowing that their exams week is nearly coming. He removed his shoes and put his umbrella on the rack before going straight to his room to change his clothes. Once he finishes, he suddenly hears a knock on his door. It was Mark.

"Hyung, do you have any fever reducer there? The pharmacy is already closed and Haechan needs it." Mark said as he scratches the back of his head. 

Taeyong then looked at him with a hint of worry in his face. He quickly checks his stuff and saw his medicine bag and picks up the pill that Mark is asking for. He also checks Haechan's condition inside his room and confirmed that his temperature is higher than normal. Although this is not really new to them since Haechan frequently get sick, he is still feeling the same amount of worrying every time. Since Haechan is a very bright and cheerful person, it is not always obvious to many that he easily catch sickness and Mark being the close friend he is to him is the one most concerned about it. 

Before leaving the room, Taeyong told Haechan that he will cook him bibimbap tomorrow morning that made Haechan's eyes shine so bright. He chuckled at the sight of the cute kid while Mark was also smiling beside him. Good thing that his first class will start before noontime for tomorrow.

This is what he likes about living with the two younger children. He somehow feels like he is living on an actual home rather than a dormitory because on how they treat him as their older brother. Maybe this is what he is actually longing for on his own family.

Before sleeping, it has been a habit for him to just stare at the ceiling of his room while he is in his deep thoughts. He doesn't really like it because it mostly just ends up to him overthinking and being anxious through things but he just can't help it. And most importantly, he feels pathetic in crying over the same stuff over and over again. His heart keeps on aching for someone he can no longer reach.

It was still all fresh to him. How Jaehyun just stopped contacting him for no apparent reason. How Jaehyun obviously avoided him and makes lame excuses just so he can get out. How Jaehyun told him that he is already done with their relationship. But most of all, how he wept so much that it felt like he loses his own soul for days or even weeks already. Maybe Jaehyun never really liked him, maybe he is just too much for him, maybe he is never worthy to be loved, maybe he is really tiring to be with, maybe he didn't actually loved him at all. It was all the same thoughts playing over and over again in his mind.

This is what he needs, he thinks. So that he would never hope for something that is impossible for someone like him again, a thing such as love.

* * *

Jaehyun was placing all of the other remaining stuff that he thinks holds a sentimental value inside the cardboard box that he have. The idea of a new home excites him so much, thinking that it will serve as a new beginning. A new chapter of his life that is still blank, waiting to be filled in. The past years has been rough to him. He doesn't really want to inherit his father's business in Korea because he wants to venture on his own, he wants to create a name for himself. Thinking of it, his relationship with his dad was never that lovely at all. He always wanted the best for him yet it suffocates Jaehyun so much. He felt so restricted with all the things that he wants and hindered to do the things that he loves.

It all even worsened when his father knew that he had a relationship with a man. His father rebuked him and forced him to break that relationship or else he will be sending him to New York which Jaehyun highly disapprove of. Not just because he hates adjustments but also he doesn't want to leave the man that he loves—Taeyong. Knowing his dad, if he chose to continue studying abroad there will be no assurance that he would still let him and Taeyong keep their relationship that's why even if it's hard, he chose to cut his and Taeyong's love affair so that at least he will still be there, not so far from him.

It is just somehow funny that he is right now in New York, starting to live his own life, when he almost became an exile to this place. Sipping on his favorite iced americano while waiting for an important client, Jaehyun was drowned on his thoughts. Thinking about the things he regretted during those past few years. He is sure that even though he thinks breaking up with Taeyong is a better choice he knows that it is one of the worst decisions he did in his life. He is not far from him physically yet the distance between them feels like New York to Seoul. He is never happy nor at least fine with it. 

Taeyong for him is not really an intricate person as most people see. He is just complicated for many because they don't bother to actually get to know him. And somehow he is glad that he was able to see and know the older one even if it is just for a not so long period of time. 

After meeting with the client, he decided to finally go home to his new apartment. As the door clicked open, Jaehyun was a little bit amaze that almost all the things are finally set up which made him smile widely. He went to check on the living room to unpack the last cardboard box he filled up the other day and pulled out a small notebook out of it before going to his room.

Ruby instantly gets up on his mat, just almost beside the bed, as he saw Jaehyun entering the room. The dog jumps over Jaehyun's arms and barks, making the person sleeping on the king size bed wake up.

"Oh, Ruby, you've woken up papa." Jaehyun whispered while walking close to him.

"Hmm, you're back already." Taeyong mumbled on his still sleepy tone as he gets up but Jaehyun stopped him to do so.

"No, you should still rest, Yongie. It's fine, I've seen that you've fixed the living room and the kitchen already. I know you're tired." Taeyong just smiled back at him but he just sits down and pouts making Jaehyun swiftly peck a kiss on the older one's lips.

"Look what I've seen on your old container, babe. I bet this is one of your old notebooks where you place possible storylines that you are thinking." Squinting, Taeyong tries to remember what is that familiar notebook that his husband is holding. He blushed hard and immediately took it away from his hands as soon as he recognizes what it could be.

"Damn, I thought this was already lost." He was right, it is the notebook where he writes most of the things happening to him after they broke up in college. It was like some sort of a diary but he writes it down on a storytelling manner thinking that he could use it as an inspiration for a fictional story that he might write.

"So you really doubt my love for you during those times, huh?" Jaehyun gently brought Ruby down and looks back to Taeyong with a teasing look on his face.

"Oh, come on. You know how much you've hurt me that time and the fact that it is all so sudden. It's normal for a person to react that way." Taeyong defended himself and rolls his eyes.

Jaehyun just smiled and planted a soft kiss on Taeyong's forehead.

"It's all in the past now, okay? I am so glad that I was able to break inside your heart again after knowing all those things that I read on that notebook." He chuckled before sliding his hand inside Taeyong's shirt.

"Stop it. You know we have to wake up early for tomorrow." Taeyong warned his husband and slaps his hand.

"Huh? Why?" Taeyong rolled his eyes once again before pinching Jaehyun's chubby cheeks hard.

"We'll be having visitors, remember?" Jaehyun pouts on his reply after recalling that Johnny and Ten will be coming as well as Taeyong's other friends, Winwin, Yuta, Haechan, and Mark. For some reason he suddenly hated that they decided to move.

"Just one, please." Jaehyun pleaded to his still stern looking husband in which the older one just sighs in defeat.

"Alright. Just one, okay?"

~~But we all know that it didn't just end up on a single round.~~


End file.
